i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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