i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
