Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
