he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
