You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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