We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Mom said you looked used
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
