easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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