I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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