nutella sex= disaster
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
