i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
