We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
