In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
