Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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