Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
