Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
