Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize