Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need to calm my uterus...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
