Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am spending my child support on dildos
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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