First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
