small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
