Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
