He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
