Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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