I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
