1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
