the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize