I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
