It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
