Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
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why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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