i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
