dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
