You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
