Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
