getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
