shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
