I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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