he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
