Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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