Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
