she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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