Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
