and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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