I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
