dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
