There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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