Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Less talking, more tequila
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
