I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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