If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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