I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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