so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
