Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
