Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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