Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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