i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
