In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
