Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
