I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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