im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
