She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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