we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
