PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
