five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
