If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You need Xanax blowdarts
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
