I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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