I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
