Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
