Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He felt like a one man threesome
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
