if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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