i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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