remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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