I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she smelled like a LAN party
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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