okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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