My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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