I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
