Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
