i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
